The Column
Motto: Randall Munroe is my hero.
Yesterday I got stuck on the elevator in my building. I was trapped, alone in a 4x6 cell for 45 minutes. The worst part of it all: I had no cell service.
NO CELL SERVICE.
I had to THINK. I had to BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS. I wasn’t ENTERTAINED BY ANYTHING. I’m fairly sure it’s the hardest thing anyone has ever had to go through ever.
Actually I made a video while I was in there. Just spent an hour clipping out some of the better parts. Here’s the best 3 1/2 minutes:
(this video is lost to time)
Today I won $60 on a slot machine bet. I came out of the casino with all 60 of those dollars, too. If you watched that video before reading on, you’ll already have known that.
I’ve been to a casino twice in my life now. Even when I actually win I don’t like them. It feels… weird. Wrong.
The second thing I wanted to write about was pretentiousness. I have two stories to share of pretentiousness.
Pretentious- (adjective) attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed. I don’t use this word according to its exact definition, apparently, but you’ll figure out what I mean by the word shortly.
Wednesday a lady asked me how tall I was (this happens often). I answered her. Her response irked me. Here’s how it went: Lady - “(swearword)! How tall are you?” Me - “I’m 6’8” ” Lady - “Oh no, no way. My boy is 6’9” and you are definitely taller than him” Me - “…alright…”
To me, what she said was pretentious. How self-important do you have to be to think that you know my height better than I do? You know, that thing that I have been asked about daily for years and years? You don’t think I, a degree-holding engineer, haven’t managed to accurately measure that?
You’re son is lying to you. Probably others, too.
The second example is much older and much, much worse.
I took an acting class at KU (I was a film major for a year and a half). During this acting class, some big guru from high-up in the university came in to observe. He wanted someone to perform a monologue for him, so he could critique. The instructor picked me out to do my bit for this bigwig.
I stood up, went to the front of the class, and introduced myself.
Me - “Hi, my name is Aaron and-”
Guru (interrupting me) - “What was that? What’s your name?”
Me - “…Aaron”
Guru - “How do you spell that?”
Me - “A, A, R, O, N”
Guru - “OH! You mean AARON.”
(I say “air in”, he said “aah ren”)
The next thing he said -
“I just want you to know how to pronounce your own name correctly.”
And that, my friends, is the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard.
The next thing that happened was my instructor mouthed the word “no!” to me with a somewhat panicked look. Apparently I looked like I wanted to do this:
Top 5: Things I’ve learned from the first 6 weeks using the Demetri List
- I’m averaging 9.2 goals crossed off per day… this is out of 25 possible (not good)
- I’m 40% more productive on Mondays than every other day’s average
- My best 3 goals: “Went on a friend date”, “Brushed (x2)”, and “Took care of my relationship”
- My worst 3 goals: “learned/practiced something useful”, “used time well”, and “Focused less on myself”
- Summary of all events: I waste time on the weekends… who knew?
Quote:
“I’ll give you your $20 back after I win $1000” Myself, to my father, who loaned me the $20 I turned into $80