The Column
Motto: WELCOME TO MY NATION OF ARTICULATION
I’m an adult, dude.
I’m sitting at the table in my kitchen, the one that used to be my only table. I own a table. I own a kitchen. My number of refrigerators went from zero to two in a single day. I own a lawn mower. I paid money to buy a thing whose soul purpose is to perform a task I used to despise doing (and, in all likelihood, will continue to despise). I have a second table right over there. There’s four chairs at it, that I also own. I bought all these things because I need to use them from time to time.
More than just possessions, though - I’m an adult because I have opinions about insurance companies & taxes. I have a wife an a retirement account. I’m closer to 30 than 20, closer to 50 than 5. I’m an adult because “he’s too young to have known any better” is not a viable excuse for anything anymore. “I value my time” has replaced “I don’t wanna” as an excuse for not doing boring things. I worry about people and things that aren’t myself and my things. I’m an adult because I the prospect of having a kid no longer sounds like “the worst thing that could happen”.
I’m an adult because I know how to solve problems & I’m confident in my ability to do so. I recognize limitations and don’t think I shouldn’t need help. I’m an adult because I can use double-negatives without fear of losing points on the assignment. I care more about what I think of me than what random people on the street think of me. I listen to talk radio more than the Top 40. Young people reference things I don’t know about. I’m an adult because I have legitimate right to complain about “well we didn’t have laptops in school back when I was your age!“. I have a 40 hour/week job that I don’t mind working at for 55 if it gets the job done. I like HGTV. Going to Home Depot and Lowes doesn’t bore me out of my mind anymore. I think about school districts. I feel feelings that other people are feeling, even though the thing that happened to them didn’t happen to me - so why should I feel anything at all? That never used to happen.
I’m an adult because I can disagree with someone wholeheartedly, but still respect their opinions and choices. I love spreadsheets. I made a modification to the desk that I own using tools I bought and it all went pretty well. I don’t have a bedtime, but I give myself one anyways… which is why I’ve got to wrap this up.
This is me:
Top 5: Counter Arguments to this Whole Post
5. I just made a reference to The Lonely Island.
4. I really want the next Nintendo when it comes out.
3. I just wrote probably near 100 sentences that all start with “I”, or have an “I” implied at their beginnings.
2. I squeal like a toddler when the Marvel logo shows up at the beginning of a movie. Well, a movie of a certain canon.
1. I ate this post while wearing jammies & eating Kraft Mac & Cheese for dinner. Not as a side, Kraft Mac & Cheese was the entire dinner.
Quote:
“They taste better because they’re shaped like dinosaurs.”
- Nick -